Tears and Fortitude
by TheHouseWitch
Summary: On a blossoming day in spring two friends meet again. After years of pain and sorrow they recall the past and think about their days together. A story about closure.


**Tears and Fortitude**

_**Disclaimer: **_No copyright infringement intended. Everything belongs to its respectable owners. I'm merely borrowing.

This is inspired by an old song from my childhood. This is a very lose translation.

Would you wake with me while flowers sleep,

my dear, and walk by the pond,

where our house now stands on the field.

There we played as children, where we sat by our hill.

You seem like you're crying, tell me why you're mind is full of grief.

Why I cry for the passing days of the brightness of my youth.

It is sad in my young heart to watch your brightest lights fade away.

Oh, how I wish that I could be spring's child again, and play again.

Now my strength fails me by the sorrow that lie on my shoulders.

Why cry for childhood dreams, they bear only gold and tears.

You can rupture life's years.

Doesn't spring come after winter? Do not roses waken again every year?

Did the past ones hold more beauty?

Do not cry but brave and happy you shall be.

You live well if you don't know the sorrows of the matters of the heart.

Gold is fortitude but so are the tears, god's blessing for every tired soul.

Sometimes the strength is low and fortitude a silent tear on a chin.

But the same rose never blooms again,

even though another of more beauty comes by your way.

_Dedicated to my grandfather who passed away in the spring of 2010. _

* * *

><p>A bird flew through the patch of fresh green leaves that blossomed on the trees by the lake. It chirped happily as it sat down on one of the branches, singing for the coming of summer. The sun shone brightly in the sky, the warm rays warming up the earth below. Few people walked happily by, enjoying the first warm days in months. None of them noticed the lonely man sitting on one of the benches under a crooked willow tree.<p>

The garden was their little secret, something only they knew. It was a place where they had shared their dreams, and sorrows; it was a place they had both visited many times, together and separately. But their time together was long gone, and neither had visited the garden except in the bittersweet memory of times long past. After years of separation they had lived on with their lives, trying desperately to forget the bittersweet memories of times together, but neither could completely forget. Although some of their moments had fallen into the darkness of lost memories, they could not forget the promise they had promised each other so many years ago.

It had been a beautiful morning, and they had decided to visit their secret hideaway. Between soft kisses and sweet caresses they spoke of their times to come. In the wonderful haze of new romance they swore to themselves to never part, and to forever cherish one another, but on that day they made other promises as well. They had been old and experienced enough to understand that such silly promises of love and devotion were short lived, but on that day they made a promise that ten years from now they would meet again, no matter what would happen from that day. Three months later they went their separate ways, and never spoke again.

But the memory of their promise to each other wasn't forgotten, and exactly ten years later it was on both of their minds.

Now he sat on their spot, under the broken willow tree and thought of their moments together. He noticed that even though the passing of years had changed him, nothing had changed here. The garden was the same. It was a solemn thought to think how much had changed, yet still some things always stayed the same.

The years had made him even more grumpy and lonely. His thinning grey hair still held few chestnut strands, and his grey beard was even more bushy than before. His body was still strong, but the heavy burden of pain and misery had left deep marks on his brow and cheeks. His hunched figure was that of a cripple, if the cane by his side didn't indicate that. In contrast to majority of people his age he had lost considerable amount of weight, and his figure was that of a sick person. Years of over dosage had also left its mark on him. His skin was an ugly sheen of grey and his trembling hands, which once were steady and sure, rested on his cane.

Even though the heavy load of the passing years and age had not been kind to him, there was still one thing that hadn't changed. His blue bright eyes were still as focused and calculating like the first time they met. His brilliant mind had not diminished and so had not his arrogance. It seemed that even the passing of time could not alter that.

He watched his surroundings in melancholy, his thoughts remembering memories he had tried so hard to forget. His memory of her was always the same. Her dark wavy hair, her ever-changing eyes that switched from blue to grey, and her wonderful figure. He could write a whole sonnet about that woman. She was, and would always be present in his life. Even though many people thought of him as an arrogant, self absorbed man, who would always stay in solitude, too complicated and difficult to stay in a relationship for too long. But what they didn't know was that when it came to relationships he was very selective, and for majority of his life there was only one woman he wanted.

He looked at his watch and noted that he had been sitting there for two hours, and there was no sign of her.

He was a fool anyway to think that she would come. Things had ended in a catastrophe between them, and she had told him that she would never want to see him again. But there was a tiny part of him that hoped that she would come, that she would at least honor their time together, the good and the bad.

He stood up with difficulty and started to limp away.

He felt like a fool. She had probably long forgotten their promise. Her memories of him were probably full of hatred and animosity. He sighed bitterly and tried to brush away thoughts of melancholy and disappointment.

It was time to move on. Yes, from now on he would not think of her again.

He turned swiftly around, and started to walk forward when he saw something catch his eye, someone very familiar. He squinted his eyes so he could see clearer, and he could almost feel his heart stop when he saw that it was indeed she.

She stood on the road, watching him intently. It was as if his heart hadn't beaten the last ten years but now it revived again by the mere sight of her.

Time had been kind to her. Her hair was dark and thick, and her figure was still stick thin. Her posture was confident and sure, it seemed that she couldn't quite drop off her act of professionalism. He had half suspected her to wear her professional wonder woman dress suit, but she wore simple black pants and a light green colored cardigan that complimented her skin tones. He noticed that she still wore her heels, and wore them well.

She didn't seem to make a move to approach him, and her expression was wary and reproaching. He took a step closer, his footsteps timid and careful, as if she would run away by that simple movement. But instead she also took a tiny step forward before walking in sure and steady steps towards him. She stopped by the bench, and even though there was still a large gap between them he could see her face more clearly. Her face wasn't devoid of wrinkles but they were strangely attractive, showing an experienced woman in the bloom of her life.

Neither of them said anything, both of them inspecting each other intently. He felt the odd pull to get closer to her, and touch her just to be sure that she was real. Instead he kept watching her intently. He knew her like the palm of his hands, and he waited for her next move.

"I wasn't going to come." She said starkly, her voice bitter.

"I wasn't expecting that you would." He muttered back, "but I hoped."

She looked uncomfortable by his statement. Her eyes twitched back and forth and she wet her lips with an uneasy expression etched on her face.

"You look good." He complimented.

"Thank you. Uh so do you."

"Don't lie to me. I distinctly remember that you said that you never lied to me."

"That was a long time ago." She said gravely. He nodded his head, and looked down at his hands.

"Um, would you like to sit?" He gestured to the bench, their bench. She looked hesitant but walked closer and sat on the far end. He sat on the other side.

They looked over at their surroundings, the lake, the bridge and the trees around.

"What have you been doing? Are you still working at PPTH?" Her voice was calm but tense.

"No." She looked at him in surprise. It was the first real emotion he saw on her.

"So…where are you working?" She was curious, he could hear it in her tone, and her lame attempt to seem unbiased didn't fool him, she never fooled him. He decided to be as honest with her as he could be, he was tired of their little games.

"I'm not working."

"But…" She began to say then stopped.

"Why not?" She muttered finally.

He didn't answer her. Instead he raised his shaky hands for her to see. A bland of sympathy and sorrow flashed across her face.

"I see." She whispered.

"It's okay. I've been writing." He said simply, trying as much to reassure her as himself that he was okay, when in truth he wasn't.

"Oh that's…good." She said unsurely, disappointedly.

"So…what have you been up to?" He didn't want to linger on that subject anymore. He had accepted it, and he didn't need her sympathy.

"I've been administrating in a hospital in Boston."

"I wouldn't have expected anything less."

She smiled coyly, and looked down as if she was ashamed how much affect he still had on her.

"Cuddy." He said suddenly. She looked up timidly, and waited for him to continue. He swallowed hard and tried to gather the courage to say what he had been willing to say for the past ten years.

"I'm sorry." His voice was low but she could easily hear him.

Tears glistened in her eyes and her true emotions shone through. She crumbled down in front of him, and he wished that he could comfort her, if the cause of her tears hadn't been his very actions.

"I'm sorry too." She whispered.

He was surprised by her choice of words. He had never expected her to say it, but he knew that he had wanted to hear her say that.

"I guess we're both sorry for a lot of things."

"Yeah." She choked up.

"How did things get like this? For the past ten years I have been asking myself this question, and I just can't figure it out." She looked at him intently, like she was expecting him to know the answer. He sighed and looked across the lake.

"I guess that when things like that happens there isn't just one thing that goes wrong. We're both extremely intelligent, extremely complicated people who tried to make an impossible thing work out."

"So…so you think we never would have…worked." She said almost sadly.

"No."

"I guess…you're right."

An uncomfortable silence fell between them. Both of them had so many things to say, but weren't sure how to get those built up emotions into words.

"How's Rachel?" He suddenly asked. He could see the corner of her lips turn up in a loving smile.

"She's great. She's the top of her class, and she's on the soccer team in her school." She looked at him intently. "She plays the piano."

"She does?"

"Yes." She chuckled. "She came to me one day and told me that she wanted to learn."

He looked painfully down. He had never been too fond of the kid, but there was something about her that had touched a soft spot in him. In a strange way they had managed to bond over the course of one year he dated her mother.

"She still remembers you. Or a part of you." She suddenly chuckled and muttered. "She asked me once about the strange man with the cane."

"What did you tell her?"

"I told her the truth. I told her that you were and old friend, and that sometimes friends separate, but even though they do they will always stay with you."

"And she believed it?"

"Yes, she did…because it's true." She turned around but he could see the glistening in her eyes.

"I never forgot House. Sometimes I was so angry at you…but most of the time I missed you, and I was so angry at myself for feeling that, but I couldn't help it."

She turned to look at him, and he could see the longing, the loss in her eyes that mirrored his own feelings that were breaking inside.

"Cuddy." He breathed, but she silenced him quickly with her lips on his. For a moment he felt complete bliss, and the void in his chest filled up with that one sensation. He touched her soft hair, and the old familiarity of her scent, her lips and her tongue overpowered his senses.

He wanted to stay like this forever, but he knew that if he wouldn't end it now he would never be able to let her go. He ended the kiss slowly, and looked into her eyes.

"Cuddy…we can't."

"Yes we can." She breathed, and leaned closer to him.

"No." He said firmly and backed slightly away from her. The pain in her eyes made him want to stop and go back to her, but he knew that he would lose any control he had of his thoughts, and he knew that this would all end the same way.

"House…"

"Cuddy, you don't know how much I would want to forget everything, and start a life with you again, but we both know that it wont last."

"But this time might be different. I miss you. Everyday I think about you, and I know that I can't live my life without you in it." Her face was so painful, so needy.

"You don't need me Cuddy."

"Yes I do, and don't say that you don't feel the same way, because you do."

"Yes. Yes I do." He touched her hand gently.

"But what will happen when everything I did to you comes back? You will never be able to completely forgive me for what I did to you, and you will never be able to trust me again. We got our chance together and we blew it."

"So it's final? We're done." She said gravely.

"Yes."

Her lip quivered, but she seemed to understand, she knew just as much as he did that they couldn't be together, even though it pained them both beyond words.

She dried her tears and moved her hand away from his.

"I think I should go." She said suddenly, and stood up.

"Cuddy." He said wearily but she began to walk away. He stood up and started to follow her.

"Cuddy…stop." She turned around angrily.

"Why? Why was I even bothering coming back when this was a lost case anyway?"

"You know why."

"No I don't." She cried out.

"You came because once we made a promise to each other. You came here because you need a sense of closure. You needed to assure yourself that we could live a good life without each other."

She sniffed and to his surprise she wove her arms around him and embraced him against her tightly. She was so tiny, even in heels he towered well over her, but it didn't feel awkward, it felt right. She looked up into his eyes, and he leaned down and planted a soft kiss on her lips.

"You will always be my woman."

She smiled sadly and leaned her head on his chest.

"I wish we could stay like this forever." She murmured into his shirt.

"I know."

They stepped out of their embrace, and stood in silence. He knew that their short reunion was coming to an end. He wished that things could be different. He watched her with a heavy heart, knowing that this would be their last encounter. He tried to memorize every inch of her, but he knew that no memory would do her justice.

He had never been good at saying goodbyes, and she seemed to realize that for she kissed him one last time on the lips, and gave him a small smile.

"Goodbye House." She said and turned around to walk away.

He stood alone, and felt the empty void in his chest expand over his entire body.

He suddenly began to halter after her.

"Cuddy." He yelled.

"Cuddy."

He heard a light footfall and her figure appear before him again. Her face was hopeful, almost desperately so. He stood there watching her, wishing that he could have been a man enough to stay with her. He opened his mouth to say the words that were lying so heavily on his heart. A look of understanding graced her face, and she smiled sadly.

"I know." She said meaningfully. "I will always love you too."

He watched her turn around and disappear behind the thick path of trees. This time she would not come back.

He turned around himself and started to walk in the other direction. Even though his heart was heavy, and his thoughts filled with regret over the horrible fait that was intended for them. It seemed that neither of them were destined to be completely happy, and even though he wished they could one day meet again and stay together till the day they would die, he knew that this was better.

It was strange how their paths had intertwined together over the years, and he half hoped that fate would bring them together again, but he wasn't a man who lived in the ignorance of hope. He was destined to roam alone on the cold road of rationalism and logic, and there was no hope for them there.

Hours later he arrived back into his old apartment. He felt dread in coming back home, the same place that held memories of her, but he eventually found his way home. When he opened the door it felt empty, and cold. He turned on the light and put his cane on the rack in the corner. His eyes roamed over the walls that were covered with hand written pages, the manuscript of his book.

He hadn't finished it yet. The ending of the book remained unfinished, and had been so for months. He walked slowly to his desk, sat down and drew forward a fresh sheet of paper. He picked up his pen and began to write.

Maybe he hadn't been waiting for an inspiration for an ending for his book, but for another ending, their ending, a closure you might say.

He suddenly stopped, and read over the page quickly before he put the last puncture mark and scribbled down the two last words.

The End.


End file.
